Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in I Pity The Fool's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
8:52 am	Today I called the Crisis Intervention hotline.... And NO ONE answered!!! I'm not sure what to make of that. I guess I'm happy I just needed general info, and you know..not crisis intervention! Current Mood: confused Current Music: Modest Mouse Bukowski (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 2nd, 2004
10:13 am	Apparently the terrorists have won Every Labor Day weekend I go to my friend Shaina’s cabin on the Russian River. It’s a guaranteed great time. On that particular weekend they have a “Float”. This is of course where everyone brings rafts, inner tubes, small blow up boats.. and pretty much anything inflatable that they want to spend the next 5 or 6 hours on. There is even a stereo system on a giant floating contraption and more alcohol than you can imagine. Everyone makes the launch into the somewhat chilly water with a good buzz and it just continues. It’s something I look forward to all year long. Moving right along…… I’ve never been in a wedding before, much less been a Maid of Honor but it seems all that is about to change. When my sister called to tell me she was getting married it was all I could do to mutter a less than enthusiastic Congratulations. She’s been involved with the groom to be for over 10 years. He is awful. I mean really. He’s a total alcoholic. He’s verbally abusive. He’s a self centered ass. And he’s a Juggalo to boot. (He’s even got the tattoo to prove it) I was really devastated to hear that he had proposed. She had finally gotten the courage to move out, and things were really starting to go well for her. I’m sure being too young to really remember being abandoned by her real father and having an abusive alcoholic stepfather left a lasting impression. Unfortunately it wasn’t a healthy one. She tells me that the wedding is set for September 5th Labor Day Weekend! The last thing I want to do is stand next to her as the guy who threatened to “beat me like a man” takes her hand in marriage. And the only thing I could think of was how to explain that I would have to miss her wedding because of my need to attend the annual float. And then logic hit me! I needed to reason with her. I was her sister, her MAID of HONOR someone to trust and depend on. I began explaining that Labor Day might be a terrible time for a wedding, people have annual plans, they leave town, hotels and airports would be jam packed. They wanted to have the ceremony in a national park; I noted that there could be “crashers” as the area would be crowded due to the holiday weekend. She mulled all of this over and mentions that they had originally planed on the weekend after the holiday but had decided against it. Here was my chance, perhaps my only chance and I went forward with great gusto.. WHY_ WHY_ WHY?? Why not the weekend after? That would be perfect! She replied that they had decided definitely not the weekend after because that weekend happened to be September 11. I start to panic… SO? SO WHAT? And then my speech began…. (You can visualize American flags waving in the background if you want) September 11 used to be a normal day.. a day like any other, but then terrorist attacked our country…. If we live in fear and cast a stigma on that day then the terrorist HAVE WON! What about your dog? She was born 1 year ago on 9-11 and you named her LIBERTY!! Doesn’t that mean anything? You have to take the day BACK! If you want to plan the happiest day of your life on 9-11 shouldn’t you have the FREEDOM to do that? Don’t let them take any more than they already have! A week later I got the call saying they had decided to change the date to 9-11. It didn’t give it much more thought, and it didn’t really occur to me until the save the date cards came out that September 11th might be a questionable date for a wedding. I had the reminder on my coffee table serving as a coaster, and every person that saw it had the same horrified expression and tense tone of voice when they asked… Wait..are they really getting married on September 11th? Is this a JOKE? And it seems that Shaina never missed a chance to tell them who convinced her it was a good idea. All of a sudden I’m the bad guy. Current Mood: confused Current Music: The sweet sound of my hangover (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 16th, 2003
10:39 am	In the pursuit of happiness I signed up for a writers workshop through the local adult ed. I was planning on taking real classes at the college, but I missed registration by about a month. So I justified adult ed by the fact that I would be around people that wanted to write instead of people that were just looking for easy credits. The tables in the classroom were set up in a horseshoe, being that I was one of the last people to arrive I took a seat at the far end. Everyone was bunched up next to each other, my side being completely empty with the exception of one older woman at the far end and myself at the other end. The teacher introduced himself, explained what he hoped we would get out of the workshop, then handed out an outline of what we would be doing each week. There are 2 weeks where we can sign up to read out loud some of our writing, our instructor stressing that he encourages this greatly so you can get feedback from the entire class. A woman across the horseshoe looks panicked and asks meekly if this is mandatory. From across the room I snort... for god's sake we paid for this at adult ed..we don't _have_to _DO_anything. My teacher shoots me a glare that seems to say strike one. The next step was that we were to pair up with the person next to us. I quickly counted the filled chairs, there were 11 of us I was the only person NOT sitting next to someone. There were 3 empty chairs between myself and the woman at the end. I was hoping somehow I could slip through the cracks and go partner-less. No such luck. A triplet of do-gooders buddied up and shoved the older woman on me. We were to take 5 minutes "interviewing" our partner so that we could then "introduce" them to the class. This was beginning to steal my soul. My partner seemed about as happy with our partnering as I was. I began the "interview" Joan (my partner in the snappy matching pantsuit) is a psychologist.... and a PARApsychologist, born in CO and now lives in WC. Her motivation for wanting to write "creative-NON-fiction" is that she hears all these interesting stories so she plans on changing the facts and incorporating this into her "own" creative writing. At this point my face is frozen in one of those terrified smiles. Good lord, not only is she a shrink, she's a ghost shrink, and she wants to turn other peoples torments and life stories into her own collection of writing. I was mortified. I breeze through my Q&A choking up only when she asks if I ever get ideas from my dreams... Umm no never Why not? What do you dream? Oh no lady, I'm not getting analyzed. She wants to know where I get my motivation..I want to blurt out if you had my life you wouldn't lack creativity, but I know better and mumble something about an over active imagination. It's funny because you can tell she knows I'm lying, and I know that she knows...but really this is my creative writing workshop not therapy. Introductions begin, the class is full of colorful characters, Bill wrote several short stories 4 years ago on CLONING, very cutting edge, Sara only writes the words that come to her after deep meditation, Kathy has 5 novels in her computer AND just began writing 5 years ago. (I was quick to raise my eyebrows and question out loud 5 NOVELS in 5 YEARS? the glare of strike 2 from teach) Rachel happens to be a freaking shrink also and like Joan wants to use her experience with people's deepest secrets to turn a profit. It's at this point that my instructor mentions that HE is a therapist ALSO. SO of the 12 of us 25% are mental health professionals. I sit there wondering if I should stick it out or run for the hills. I'm freaking out. Our next assignment after this glorious discovery is to jot down 8-10 "chapter headings" for the "chapters" in out lives. WAIT... NO...WAY Umm excuse me..I'm just supposed to list off Abandonment The Years of Abuse Nothing says Happy Birthday like Rape Drug addiction Friend or Foe? Run for your Life How to Make Rent Without Any Clothes On and The Dominatrix in Me And not feel under the microscope? I froze up and my mind was blank. We were to read the other persons titles and have them discuss 2 of their "chapters". I asked Joan to tell me about "Leading Meditation at Midnight in Stonehenge" I'll briefly exploit her existence for a moment and share with you a bit of what I'm surrounded by. You see her group was actually studying the CROP CIRCLES that appeared across from stonehenge several years back, I'm biting my tongue not to interrupt her with.... but_you_know_how_they_do_that_RIGHT? I tell a version of one of my tittles (I Only have 2) blah blah blah and we are supposed to move on to the next one, except Joan has gotten a psychic reading from my story so instead of moving on I get my psychic update, she does my numerology, and tries to probe my soul some more. My outlook is very good, this is my balance year next year is my hermit year. Now it's free time to write (the "chapters" were to be our jumping off point) The INSANITY is eating away at me and I write 2 pages of nonsense I just want to write and have someone critique my writing, help me a bit with my direction.... not have my mental condition evaluated. I'm terrified I'm not going to make it through the next 11 weeks without thoroughly alienating myself from the group. This is either going to go incredibly well or very very bad. Current Mood: thirsty Current Music: NONE (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 15th, 2003
10:52 am	OH the injustice of life Rest In Pieces: my computer Born: Feb 2001 DIED: 2003 My computer will be missed by many, survived is myself. The loss of my computer is felt all around the world wide web. Private services have already been held... The parts that did not go up in the fiery inferno have been smashed with my bare hands/clunky shoe. Devastating is the amount of music that has been lost..I'm trying to pick up the pieces (of my life) and move on. BUT HOW???? Thousands of songs I don't have point and click access to anymore, CD's that will never be burned...music I waited years to get...and now back to the starting point, remembering what life was like before DSL. So now as you are reading this reach over and pinch yourself really HARD, realize that you are ALIVE and can feel! Start those wheels a spinning... I ask this... What are the 10 best albums of all time? I'm going to rebuild my music collection. After all the living must go on living, and this time I'm going to do it up style-y. Current Mood: GRIEVING Current Music: hahaha very funny (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 23rd, 2003
3:32 pm	2nd favorite quote of the week I got even with those rappers today ----My Grandma ***stifling my giggles****** "Grandma I didn't know there was bad blood between you and rappers. Is this a certain crew? Or just rappers in general?" She went on to explain that it's not the rappers she has a beef with, it's the people in cars with their systems bumpin... I respect that, often I'm annoyed when forced to listen to other people's music, with the exception of the other day when I realized someone here in the creek was rockin the Reverend. ( It was a tough call, to stalk or not to stalk) Apparently she was listening to some symphony (very grandma like) and it was near the end when it really starts to get HUMMBITY UMMMBITTY... a.k.a. going OFF......... And she just turned down her hearing aids and cranked the stereo. She was giggling when she said "I had no idea the stereo could go that loud." It seems she's just been waiting to do that, I'm looking into finding her more sensible hobbies. Current Mood: amused Current Music: Depeche Mode-enjoy the silence (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
1:57 am	Sometimes I cry I hate America's Most Wanted with a passion. Vehemently. Intensely. If you put John Walsh in front of me I could claw every inch of life from his being. It's not his fault though. Sometimes I feel that if only I had tried a little harder or been a bit smarter, maybe I wouldn't feel like I let her down. 4 years ago I was living a bland existence in a bland world, but for the most part I was happy. But then 4 years ago I got a phone call that changed so much inside of me. Right before my freshman year in high school my mother announced she was getting married, at that time I was 14 and my sister was 15. The man she was marrying was older and already had 2 grown daughters both in their late 20's. They detested my sister and I from the beginning, they were daddy's girls and they saw us as invading their territory. My sister and I could have cared less about being daddy's girls... we were thankful for my mother to have someone else to bully. Leslie was the younger of the two, exactly 10 years older than I was. My sister and I made progress with her, she got to know us and realized we weren't made of pure evil, and quite the contrary we all had a lot in common. The three of us spent countless days together, we threw some of the bitchin-est parties known. We drank and spent long days hung over, we pooled our change and made interesting meals from what we could afford, we swindled free movies at the video store, we were young and we were free. But that was a long time ago. A phone call. In between hysterical pleas for me to just sit down, promise you are sitting down.. I gathered enough from my mother.... Leslie was murdered, her body just left in a school yard. There were no answers and there never really would be. There are a bigillion murders in Bakersfield most of them don't get solved. The detectives gave it a good "go-at" in the beginning, but they are all to familiar with failure. My parents being soulless asses themselves took holiday for 3 weeks and gave up themselves. That night I remember numbly walking through the streets of Capitol Hill, I was dazed it wasn't real...but it was. I remember sitting in strangers yards, once even on a porch wanting desperately to knock on these stranger's doors and disrupt their lives.... just as someone had done to me. To ask them... to ask anyone for help. I was 1200 miles away but needed something to fill this hole that began consuming me. My boyfriend at the time was obsessed with AMW, that was his FAVORITE show he would get all excited and settle down on the couch with his popcorn and chatter away...... but only during commercials..... With my fragile mental state I began to believe that AMW was the answer.... Week after week I saw all the bad guys captured all over the country.. With the help of our viewers.... And you can remain anonymous... It worked for all of those people... it worked....it had to work for me too. It began to make perfect sense. I wrote countless letters, made endless telephone calls, and waited desperately for an eternity. And then one day it came, My rejection letter. Dear Ms. ________ we are unable to assist with your request. However we do appreciate your watching and don't want you to miss out on our upcoming special.... 500 captures! I've never felt like such a fool. My ex could never understand why I refused to have that show on my television again. I would scream and yell and bust the remote over and over again, not that show, not in my house. It was a constant reminder of how shitty life could be. Current Music: Too much Bukowski makes me moody (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 4th, 2003
4:00 pm	Mr. Robinson, Mr.Robinson, I broke your window...... I finally saw 24 hour party people. It made me all nostalgic. Unfortunately I saw it with my pumpkin who's only 21 and has the musical taste/knowledge of a lawn gnome. Current Mood: amused Current Music: Feederz -Jesus entering from the rear (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 1st, 2003
6:18 pm	Prohibit horseplay on or under bunk As if my existence wasn't amusing enough. On my birthday my family had a dinner for me, they do this for every Birthday. It goes dinner.. gifts.. cake and ice cream, pretty standard. This year I had come from a memorial ..well actually I had gone to a memorial and then we spent 5 hours at a bar...then i made it to grandma's house for dinner. Needless to say I was plastered and incredibly emotional...most of the evening was a blur until it came to opening gifts. The last thing I wanted to do was put on a smiley face and get presents, but that's the way it goes. There I was opening my "loot" it went fine until the card from my grandmother, it was some cheeky card about it being your birthday and you waking up naked. Very appropriate I thought. Inside the card there was a copy of a page from a catalog, I was baffled... it was a picture of one of those "loft" beds, like a one person bunk bed only instead of a bed underneath there is a little desk and some shelves, something that would be in a kids room or in a dorm or something... This wasn't for me.... she didn't spend money on this...where would she ever have gotten the idea to get me this... And then I remembered a few weeks before we had been talking and I had mentioned that several years back when I had my first studio in Denver my boyfriend and I both lived in 225 square feet of "apartment." This included a "kitchen" bathroom and walk in closet. While describing it I mentioned how at the time I wanted nothing more than one of those loft beds so we could have had a few more feet of usable space. But that was several years ago and I live in a normal sized home now.... I looked up and all their faces were peering at me, waiting for my excitement to burst through... Grandma excitedly mentions that it will be delivered on Wednesday. In my 26 years not one member of my family has ever returned or even exchanged a gift....the bed was a done deal. I tried to muster as much enthusiasm as I could and ended up giving a big "jeez thanks that's very special." All along all I can think is I'm 26 and they just gave me a one person bunk bed and hating myself for not being more appreciative. On new years I had told myself I was going to try and A. not drink as much B. stop sleeping around so much. WHEW boy did this help. The first night I came home drunk I realized getting into bed had become much more of a challenge, I've only fallen once but really at this age that's plenty. I'm thinking about investing in wrestling mats to line the floor around the bed, and making some modifications... like hanging a bucket off the side and wrapping foam padding along the underside where I am repeatedly giving myself head trauma. The best was last week a bunch of us were at the bars and the love of my life decides to proposition me... HIM: so want to go back to your place? ME: uhhhh well that's not such a good idea, I mean you and all yes, my place no. HIM: why not? it's close ME: yeah umm no there's some issues regarding my room HIM: whatever, I've seen a messy room before ME: FINE make me say it...I have a one person bunk bed and I don't even think it will hold 2 people! The warning label strongly prohibits more than one person on the upper bunk. I was beet red.... and he couldn't stop laughing. The humiliation is wearing off.. I've decided that I'm just going to get a web cam, wear pig tails, and set up my www.dorm_room_cutie web site.... that and not come home drunk anymore. Current Mood: dorky Current Music: James - Laid (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 10th, 2003
10:08 am	Happy Monday to you...... My favorite new line..... So do you boys want to go play Y Tu Mama Tambien? I'm moving to Mexico. Current Mood: predatory Current Music: Mike Ness - The Devil In Miss Jones (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 27th, 2003
11:33 am	It's the small things..... I really enjoy the sound my cat makes when I squeeze him too hard. Current Mood: Hungover Current Music: Warlock Pinchers -Where The Hell Is Crispin Glover? (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 17th, 2003
3:32 pm	The Great Job Search Dilemma OK so it's go time, and I have to get a "real" job. I've had "real" jobs before, I just prefer poverty to the grind for now. So newly unemployed and working on going broke, I decided to take the AOL career finder quiz...yes I still have way too much free time. So it's simple enough, I like quizzes and this one is going to direct me to the career of my dreams..... everything works out after all. Except the top 5 choices for my future career path are.... 1. Director - Stage and Motion Picture Ummmmhmm OK, I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who want this more than I do, and probably have some of the required skill/drive. 2. Actor & Performer Uuhhhhmm maybe I entered that I lived in Hollywood or middle America somewhere without realizing it. 3. Amusement Entertainers, OK now I really do want one of those giant costumes, but not for my career.. more for causing havock....well you see it was a giant dog..I think it was drunk. I would say that being a Domme is close to Amusement Entertainer but in a very different way. 4. Teacher or Instructor Now that is just silly, what the hell could I teach other than how to drink professionally (Denver I miss you) or how to really mess with men who cross you? Yeah not quite my bag. And now this I think is possibly the best one yet.... I want a job at AOL setting these quizzes up because I GUARANTEE somebody should be fired, and I bet they are making more than I do..... Are you ready???? 5. Equestrian Performer Yes, that's right, let's forget for a moment that I HATE horses and insist on referring to them as premature dog food. Because really there was no rate your opinion on horses box...but still..equestrian performer? So now I'm intrigued, is there a big market? Would I get to wear spurs? Would I be like a cowboy only fancier? Do they provide training on how to ride a horse? I'm pretty sure there is fringe involved in the job attire or at least those cute little hats. Unfortunately they tell you what type of job you would be perfect for but they don't link you to job openings....so now my days will be spent searching for the perfect Director/Equestrian Performer opening. And I thought having Pro Domme on a resume was silly. Current Mood: determined Current Music: Flipper - Ha Ha Ha (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 7th, 2003
10:05 pm	The night I was almost wed... And why I know Reno doesn't have 24 hour wedding chapels. I met Mark one night when I was out with a bunch of friends. He was a bouncer at the bar we were at and had gone to school down south with one of my best friends. We spent a good part of the night chatting since he and Corey hadn't seen each other since school. At the end of the night he turned to me and asked "What does a guy have to do to get a date with you?" Now I don't date much so after hearing how he had been forcibly removed from Disneyland ... kicked out of a country ... and showed up late to boot camp, drunk and in a limo... I figured this was someone I could get to know better. During this point in my life I was obsessed with the idea of getting married like 10 times and having a photo album that on each page was me with a different groom. We decided a good first date would be to have a nice dinner and then go to Reno and get married, cancel it in the morning and then drive home. Part of me really just wanted to see if he'd go through with it, the other part of me just drinks a lot and enjoys conjuring up new ways to entertain myself. He picked me up and we made our way downtown to a nice Italian place, unfortunately we failed to make a reservation and the wait was almost 2 hours. We saddled up to the bar and started what was the beginning of a long night of drinking. He was one of those chatty people that talks to everyone around him, so before long the buzz was out that we were a sweet young couple on our way to get married. People treat you like gold on your wedding day, strangers were buying us drinks, giving us hugs, positive reinforcement that true love lasts, and lots of creepy jokes about the wedding night. One woman asked to see my ring, and now I'm not a good liar but caught up in the moment I produced this long story about how we were just starting out from college and didn't have the money, and that we were just so in love we weren't going to let finances get in the way of our commitment to the rest of our lives together, and maybe in a couple of months a small ring might be in the budget. Everyone was teary eyed. I started to feel a twinge of guilt but it was also hard to keep from dying of laughter. Finally they called our name our table was ready. Now after a 2 hour wait and being forced to tell elaborate lies to strangers the last thing I want is a tiny table shoved between the end of the bar and the kitchen door. Well, that's what we got. We had asked to sit on the patio, but it was closed and it would be an even longer wait for another table. When our waitress came to greet us she over heard me say.... "To bad tonight of all nights we get the table crammed in the corner." She asked if it was a special occasion, and without missing a beat mark replied ... Well, yes this is our favorite restaurant (neither of us had been there before) and we are on our way to get married. Before you knew it a table was set up on the patio with candles and fresh flowers, half way through our meal some of the staff even came out and sang some Italian love song...it was unbelievable. After our meal and several more drinks it was time to head to RENO. I could barely walk to the car, and even more strangers were coming up wishing us well. I have NO IDEA how we actually made it to Reno, but we rolled into town at about 3 am and proceeded to the nearest hotel. We staggered in and explained to the man at the front desk that we needed to get married. The flaw in our plan was that there was no where open, they all opened at like 7 am (who gets married at 7am)? Now we all know that by 7am the buzz is gone and a perfectly good idea just seems silly. We have the concierge on the phone trying all the chapels, everywhere seems to be closed. We start loosing hope and fatigue starts setting in, fine we'll take a room. Oh by some bizarre twist in fate there is some sort of major convention and there isn't a room ANYWHERE. Now it's really getting late, there is no way we can make the drive home and no way the both of us are sleeping in the freezing car. Finally the concierge managed to find us a room..... no, it wasn't motel 6, no, it wasn't the Hilton.... It was the THEME ROOM HOTEL! We got directions and drove over. The lady at the desk gives us a good once over..Yes you see we drove all the way here to get married, but all the chapels are closed so we have to wait until morning. Her whole demeanor changes I'm not a drunk "working girl"... I'm a bride to be! She insist we have the "wedding package" and since we are checking in at almost 5 am we can stay late, it is our wedding day. With the wedding package we got.... the JUNGLE room complete with waterfall hot tub, a bottle of champagne, a big round bed, and a big tacky fake ring. The next thing I remembered was the shrill piercing scream of the phone... Mark answers and starts arguing with the desk person, apparently we were an hour past check out and they had no idea about any agreement to let us stay past the normal check out time. The deal we made with the woman 6 hours previously was not in effect. So in protest we took showers and took our time (not that either of us could move quickly) getting ourselves out the door, and just in time since as we were walking out the manager was coming to yell at us in person. Now faced with the harsh reality of the light of day, the idea of getting married just wasn't nearly as exciting and we decided to make the long journey home. Mark and I didn't last all that long, but damn that man knew how to provide a great date, and a car to wreck...but that's a whole other story. Current Mood: relieved Current Music: Violent Femmes - Dating Days (18 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 1st, 2003
1:47 am	Is it Chinese new year already? Well, outside in the hall there's a cat fight It's well after midnight I guess I'll be all right I'm laid out on the floor Drunk and poor How much longer how much more Rock me to sleep Strong & deep. The screaming cats they give me the creeps But aside from all that I feel no pain Staring up at the ceiling stains ...Neon in the window ...Sirens far away ...News on the radio They're at it again next door This whole floor I swear They're out to drive me crazy Not right now I'm high as a cloud I'm soft and gray and lazy ..Smoking Out the window, ...feeling far away ...News on the radio Fly me out the window. Somewhere far away News on the radio, Current Mood: blah Current Music: Concrete Blonde (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 30th, 2003
1:42 am	72 oz's to freedom I didn't answer the phone because I didn't recognize the number, sometimes I do that. But when I heard the message I knew it was bad, you get enough of those phone calls and you just know. I never imagined. Not you. Never. You promised the last time when we were all at your house...you promised that a year ago had been an accident, that you had been on so many drugs and it was just a bad situation that looked even worse. You said it wasn't that.... and that everything was going to be fine. Instantly I was upset but I wasn't ready for the pain that overwhelmed me. So many people, so many times....YOU were a star. Everyone looked up to you, we all laughed and shared the greatest of times. I drank and drank just to have the courage to look amy in the face and tell her that you were gone. As much as you meant to me, I know that your bond with Ames was so much more. The phone hasn't quit ringing for 2 days. For every one person that calls we remember 2 more that we need to tell. We went to the house last night, God it was so hard. All our trivial arguments and our bullshit for never coming around made things all the harder. Everything seemed so insignificant compared to you, and our pain of loosing you. Your sister has grown up so much, and T is doing such a good job at trying to be strong. The rest of us have given up the illusion of coping. Seeing R laying on your bed listening to Freebird (for god's sake where did that come from? Any other day and the jokes would never have ended) was hard enough, but when I saw the tears pouring down his face, we all kind of lost it in a way. You did everything without a trace of fear, and we all pedaled twice as hard to keep up with you. We knew if we slowed down just the slightest bit you would leave us in the dust. No one is mad at you, well yes we are all mad as hell, but really it's just because we have so much love for you. Who else can get me thrown out of as many bars in a night? Who else will ever really want those nachos at 7-11? Barely Legal's stock will plummet. And just to think of all the people who will never experience the tattoo trick. You touched any soul you came across, and as I'm realizing that was A LOT. But really were Amy and I the ONLY girls you didn't kiss/make-out/sleep with? It's seeming that way. Damn. HO. I'm exhausted, we all are. It's going to be so hard without you. You know that we have all come together, you knew we would. Now I'm going to try and go to sleep, my bed, alone in my room is the scariest farthest place right now. I just want to be able to close my eyes without crying, God knows they are swollen enough. I took a tip from you and yesterday when the going got tough I offered up my hair in sacrifice to the smile gods. They took turns, we fixed it today, but damn it's short. You would laugh your ass off at me right now, and I'd let you. So when John asked me "what kind of person jumps off the Bay bridge?" I told him someone who did things fearlessly. Nothing but love and you are missed. Current Mood: drunk (20 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 17th, 2003
6:50 pm	So far.. A few things I've learned so far this year: When someone asks you what you've been doing with your life replying "trying to kick my smack habit" is much more effective than simply saying "nothing." There aren't any jobs that I can find in suburban hell for chain smoking, coffee drinking, avid readers. You CAN bully your way into an invitation to someone's wedding. When you are making hard boiled eggs and you get over eager and don't cook them long enough...don't put them into the microwave (even IF you remove the shell) when you poke them with a fork....they explode. I thought I had lost my vigor, but then on reflection I realized I never had vigor. I REALLY hate movies about aliens Not eating during a 3 day drinking bender keeps things exciting and cheap. I really enjoy professional basketball games, they are short attention span theater with free T-shirts. My psychic powers are getting stronger by the day. And last but not least...be wary of professionals in the porn industry. Not to bad for the first 17 days! Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: The Smiths- This charming man (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 4th, 2002
11:55 pm	Dude The movie least likely to get you laid on a date.... Requiem For A Dream. DEAR GOD This is all I have to say. Current Mood: very disturbed Current Music: The voices in my head (11 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 29th, 2002
4:39 pm	The Holidays I am practically a genius. I have developed a foolproof method to not only getting through the holidays, but enjoying them as well. The first step beginning with the pre-holiday gatherings- there is always get togethers the night before. I've found if you start drinking at about 3 and finish around 7ish you are in great form for chatting with old acquaintances and their families. They usually provide more alcohol and snacks (by now cheese and crackers are imperative to the belly). After a couple of hours, when the realization that you really don't care and are tired of the dumb fake grin and when usually you tough it out for a while longer instead you make a break for it...quite suddenly offering no excuses other than I'm leaving now. The next step is to go to the grocery store, you should be quite intoxicated by this point (disclaimer: I do not condone drinking and driving however sometimes it happens) Shopping becomes quite a challenge at this point. There should be no list or guide (i.e., sober person) Fill your basket while struggling to remember or think of what it is you are cooking. As your basket becomes quite full decide, "This store SUCKS. what am I doing at Safeway? I hate Safeway." Leave your basket in the middle of an aisle and stomp out muttering how awful that store is. Move on to a new store, preferably across town, and begin the whole process again- this time just shop don't think. When you get home, don't look at what you bought- just put everything in the fridge, grocery bags and all. Now, after your adventuresome day, settle down on the couch with a nice cold beer or two and enjoy a movie with your "real friends." If you do this properly you should in fact pass out. Now depending on how good of friends they were, you will either wake up on the couch or perhaps in bed- preferably not alone. (This is fine since you and your long distance boyfriend have just recently broken up, and you know he is here for the holiday 40 miles away, but he never bothered to call) So now realizing that although you can not account for the phone calls or shopping you made the night before you were quite brilliant enough to remember to get A. your toothbrush B. your slippers and C. A goofy halter top (I am practically a genius, not really one) So you can have warm feet and brush your teeth before crawling back into bed to assess the hang over. Here is the point where there should be some sex, nothing fancy, just a little lovin' to start the day. (this of course only if you are an experienced hung-over-gettin-some-in-the-morning person... which is where having drunkard friends comes in handy because everyone knows real drinkers don't have sex until the next morning anyway. there is too much chance for error if you are already passing out and or you are with a novice drinker/someone who doesn't understand a hangover) Now it's time to start your day, the first step is attire this really helps set the mood. I went for a ensemble of the halter top and karate pants, they really say something..I'm wearing my holiday attire AND I'm tough. You should begin drinking again, hair of the dog as they say. And since God knows you can't get a decent bloody Mary at home (Vegas, I yearn for you) I suggest budweiser in a can. Now it's time to start cooking. with the help of my little friend booze all the fuss and stress is removed from the cooking process. And when you open the fridge to see what exactly it was you purchased the night before it should be a pretty humorous event. Apparently there are certain things that say holiday meal more so while you are drunk, for instance 2 bags of fresh parsley, a turkey TV dinner because someone will piss me off I'm sure of it, and that's what they can eat, a bag of limes (we ended up buying a lot of corona) and tubs of that awful fruit they put out for fruitcake. Sure it takes twice as long and some things seem a little more complicated than you know they should be, as long as you keep your chin up and keep tilting that can only good can happen. Finally 8 hours or so later when you are putting the finishing touches on everything (I recommend setting the timer every 30 minutes or so it keeps you on your toes and you always have the panic of what was i supposed to remember should i be doing something right now?) and everybody is reconvening at your place (they should have already gone and had dinner with their families and had a few drinks on their own, so there isn't even any worry about how well your food turned out, it's just impressive that there is more food) Strangers are more impressed that a vegetarian cooked the ham than the fact that she's running around shoving plates of food in peoples faces and yelling "HII YAAA Karate CHOP!" when they try to politely decline. Now everyone gorges themselves on food and drink and you realize this was one of the best Thanksgivings ever. Never mind the guilt that you lied to your family and said you thought it would be nice to volunteer instead of spending the day with them. If you ask your friends they will tell you they would have felt less fortunate if you hadn't provided a great meal and wrap up to the evening. It's a win win situation. Current Mood: pleased Current Music: Tribe Called Quest - Scenario (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 26th, 2002
1:51 am	Why I have neglected you my dear LJ friends... Please don't waste your time here. disclaimer: I'm drunk and DON'T CARE SO I haven't written, I am riddled with guilt I assure you. I'm posting this WITHOUT a proofread..why are you still reading??? Today I found out a good friend is banging another good friend (we all know how this works out, and it's not an episode of "Friends") My ex...(not pigeon boy) has CANCER. what do you say to that??? It was my friends B-day..I didn't even call.......(I suck) I had to explain to my very vanilla, very conservative friend that I was a Pro Domme. We had "drinks" with a bunch of old friends, one being a very "I'm not over ex", so I lapped everyone twice. AND I'm about to pass out. Ack this is so lame Why hasn't SOMEONE created sponfeeding's drunkin computer typer blocker??? Hmmmmm???? Current Mood: drunk Current Music: none i can't get it to work... (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 27th, 2002
1:25 am	WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Tonight I received my brand new license plate cozy that reads..... If you are going to ride my ass at least pull my hair YEAH !!!!!! Now all I need to do is get a car. Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: Sonic Youth - Wish Fufillment (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 25th, 2002
9:16 am	What is in a name? Every year around Easter weekend, my friends and I head to Las Vegas for the Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly weekender. It's 4 days of drinking, dressing up 50s, and ROCK ROCK ROCK. On Friday night, Meg and I were feeling especially feisty after the bands stopped playing, and decided to ditch our not-so-lively, recently engaged friend in order to go "troll for mullet." Meg was recently dumped and I love to flirt- always a good combination. We were in our 7th or 8th hour of drinking and had already seen the bands, been to a strip club, and were back rocking the casino. It was time to rustle up some men... Across the room there was a group of fellows, one of which I was completely drawn to. Him, I point. I want HIM. Meg, not wasting any time, points to him and motions for him to come over. He just stands there. Luckily, I'm drunk enough that the thought he might not be interested never even registers. Meg points again, and again motions for him to come over. The guy NEXT to the object of my desire points to himself and mouths... "me?" No, she says, HIM. He slowly walks over saying something to his friends as he passes (probably "don't leave me alone") When he gets to us Meg blurts out "My friend has some gaps she's like you to fill" I almost died right there...I mean there's putting it out there, and then there's PUTTING IT OUT THERE. Fortunately he seemed almost as embarrassed by her statement as I did. Introductions began. Now I am notorious for never remembering peoples names. I don't give everyone I know quirky nicknames because it's cute...it buys me time so I can remember their name. I'm sure he told me his name, but I forgot it immediately. We chat a bit and have a few more drinks, I decide to cut to the chase. We all know where we were headed- it was time for the ball to get rolling. I lean over and tell him "if you kiss a boy, I'll go to bed with you" A friend of his overheard my statement and, with great enthusiasm, grabs my boy's head and pulls him towards already puckered lips. "it doesn't count if it's on the cheeks.. I say "...hey It looks forced...just KISS." And then there it was, It was BEAUTIFUL. Very well! Thanks everyone! Have a great night! I grab his arm and we make our way back to his hotel room (which coincidentally, or by divine intervention, happens to be directly across the hall from our room). We have a lovely time, and because he protested when I jumped up to leave...we chit chatted some more. It's at this time that I realize I have NO idea what his name is. ( I know someone who can give the first middle and last name of every man she's made out with- It always compels me to learn at least ONE of the names of someone I've slept with) I know he said it not 3 hours ago when we introduced ourselves... God why can't I remember? I was trying to get him to slip up and say his name. "So what do your friends call you" "my name," oohh this isn't working. I try the lottery approach, hoping I'll hit the jackpot. "SO Mike..do you come to Vegas often?" "what?" "I mean Henry" "huh?" OK so he thinks I'm just being silly now. I decide to head back to my room. When I was leaving I informed him, "now you are my boyfriend," and staggered across the hall to my room. I asked Meg if she recalled his name...unfortunately she wasn't paying attention either. The next night our paths didn't cross, but whiskey and mine sure did. So by the time I made it back to the room I decided to leave him a good-bye note...adressed to "my boyfriend." I still had absolutely no recollection of his name. oops. He wrote back. It was cute- we were slipping notes under the door. Why we didn't actually knock on the door and talk to each other only the whiskey knows. Meg found it insanely amusing that I had no idea what his name was and was referring to him as "my boy friend." She took over the note writing because my vision was becoming blurry and decided to try and get his name for me. He asked if I wanted to go to breakfast in the morning (more like 3 hours away) since he was leaving that day. She responded with no thanks too early but give me a call and left my cell number and at the bottom wrote.."what's your name?" with a blank line for him to fill in. In the morning the letter was back only the name "Pete" was written on the line...I'm pretty sure his name wasn't Pete. It became very confusing I was almost positive his name wasn't Pete, but neither she nor I could remember what he had said when we all did introductions. The last night of the weekender, my phone rings and, to my surprise, it was him! Wow! HI! We chatted for a bit, and he asked if I had found a ride back home yet. (My ride ended up leaving sat night) I told him I was still trying to find one. He said "Come to San Diego and I will drive you up to SF on Friday." Hmmm maybe I will, I'm all about prolonging the fun. I got his number and went to report back that my "boyfriend" had called. When I told Meg what he said, she got a somewhat serious look on her face and said "you have to go..YOU have to live the dream..you are the one that can do it. Everyone wants to meet a hot rockabilly boy and go back to their homeland...DO IT" Because I'm easily influenced I started to think it over..well I could go, it's not like I have to go to work. I realized I needed some help making a decision so I walked over to a row of desolate slot machines. The agreement was, If I won I go to SD if not I figure out how I was getting home. I put a quarter in...damn it it took a minimum of 3. Great I just lost 75 cents being lame. I pulled the handle, watched it go round, and BAM won 10 bucks. I couldn't argue with that. The next day I got on a plane sleep deprived, hungover, and delirious and got off in SD. Siri Anand called to check in and see how my quest for a ride had gone. I exclaimed proudly, "I'm in San Diego!" She was baffled, to say the least.."WHY?" "to see a man...ask me his name!" She plays along.."what's his name?" "I DON'T KNOW!!!" After her fit of laughter she wishes me well and suggests I keep referring to him with different names, he has to respond to one of them. I never bothered to call and tell him I was coming, I figured this way he couldn't say no, and it would be a better surprise. But really I was trying to figure out a good way of saying hi we slept together, I flew out here and yet I still don't know your name. As I was leaving the terminal it hit me..AHA I called his number and when a man said hello..I said "HI this is Marci, is my boyfriend there?" And then the angels were with me AGAIN. The guy chuckles says.. "hi there" and then...Scott it's Marci... (YES!! SCOTT!!!. SCOTT was his name, now I knew!!!) I can hear on the phone someone in the background say shut up, and then NO really Scott..MARCI is on the phone. A skeptical voice says Hello....I say HI "where are you" "where do you want me to be?" "in SD" "DONE" "no way" "yes" "no" "yes" I ended up having to describe the airport so he would believe me, and come pick me up! That was in March, Since then I've been down to visit 3 other times, he's come up here once and we talk on the phone every night. Now he really is my boyfriend. Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Dru down - Pimp of the year (17 Comments |Comment on this)